Swearing

OK, today's topic is one near and dear to my heart: my love of F-bombs and all permutations thereof. Now, conventional wisdom says that swearing is something only uneducated people with small vocabularies do. Except I have a college degree and a massive vocabulary.

I blame my repressive, conservative Lutheran upbringing. Lutherans are lovely people, don't get me wrong, but when I left home and got my freedom, I exploded in a variety of ways, swearing included. If I drop something on my toe, the first words out of my mouth are not, "Oh gosh dang goodness gracious!". lol.

So how do I reconcile this in my writing without offending half the population of planet Earth? I use true swear words very sparingly, usually for comedic effect, and otherwise attempt to come up with creative ways to swear without actually saying a swear word. I think I'm raising it to an art form, actually. My husband also helps. I don't think there's a more vulgar person in existence (endearingly so), yet most of what comes out of his mouth is technically not a swear word. So I use him as a resource and even solicit his advice when I'm stuck on something. :-)

Anyway, I'm definitely not the squeaky clean sort, and even wallow in it. I always say the more shockingly vulgar something is, the funnier it is. So I write my first draft with all the swearing and naughtiness I want, and then I have to go back and tone it down a bit so I don't scare people, lol.

My poor, poor mother. If I kick the bucket and she ever gets ahold of one of these drafts, she'll be following me soon thereafter. Note to self: have husband hide this stuff if I die before he does.